The winners took it all

Isn’t funny how it all works out? The winners made a triumphant re-entry. Not so with the hockey team. The way of this world is to love winners. Everybody loves them, welcomes, adores them. They line up to greet and congratulate them.

Fans flock to catch a glimpse of the winners, cheer, applaud, surround and smother them with praise. But when you lose, you lose alone. No fancy reception. Some say that a miserable defeat can help improve the game and win the next round. But this is not the way one should learn a lesson. One does not go to the sport arena to have fun and throw caution to the wind. A golden chance has already been lost – it is history - there might not be another one so soon. And even if there was one it is four years away. And that's a pretty long time.

Those were the days

Very often I look back and reminisce about the good old days. I mean the good old days of TV programs and generally about life itself of that era...those were the days, the fabulous seventies, when my friends and I were in our early twenties. Every evening we would look forward to watch some of our favourite actors in the popular TV series of the time and would rush home from work. Darren McGavin in The Night Stalker, Don Knotts with his variety of comedy shows and Dennis Weaver as Sam McCloud entertained, delighted and kept us glued to the TV sets with their superb acting roles. But now I realize how much I took these actors and their episodes for granted. We enjoyed watching them an entire decade. Later, years passed by, and we were too busy playing our own roles in life. But I did ponder during the days gone by and remembered them once in a while. Unfortunately these three excellent actors are no longer with us. It is ironic and sad that they should pass away just within a span of a few days of each other. Rest in peace, my heroes.

Actual Report v/s Gossip

Actual Report

In a statement Wednesday, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said protection “may be warranted” under the Endangered Species Act, and began a review process to consider if the bears should be listed.

Gossip at the local barbers

In a statement Wednesday, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said protection of their citizens worldwide “may be warranted” under the Endangered Species Act, and began a review process to consider if the Americans should be listed.

Silent Words

(Sounds best if sung to Everley Brothers - Take a Message to Mary)

These are the silent words of the team
That may have lost the game
But to win again and stake claim to fame
Is still their cherished dream:

Take a message to my home town,
Say sorry that we let them down,
Take a message to my class-mates
We haven’t yet hung our skates.

You can tell home that we love Turin,
Tell them that we lost some steam,
We can say we’re sorry, we’re to blame,
But won’t give up the spirit of the team.

Send an e-mail to my girlfriend,
But don't tell her the goal I missed,
Please don't mention the two-nil game,
To be the best I will still persist.

Tell them that we are sorry, we lost our strong hold,
But we haven’t yet given up searching for gold;
We regret we put on a dismal show
But still have hope for a great tomorrow.

Actual Report

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - In a move hailed by environmentalists, the Bush administration announced it will review whether polar bears should be considered a threatened species given indicators that their icy habitats are melting away due to global warming.

Rephrased at the local pub

ENCOURAGE, Alas! In a move hailed by politicians, the administration announced it will review whether the citizens should be considered a threatened species given indicators that their belligerent habits are losing away due to global unrest.

Apt reply for a silly question?

Customer: Do you make these products yourself?
Answer: No! They just fall from the sky on
weekends early in the morning on the
outskirts of this town. To start with
you have to be there early to pick them
up. Then, all you do is load them in
your mini-van and drive! Then wait your
turn to set up your booth and try to sell
them here at the show!

Customer: Oh! Goan pickles! Great! My father is a Goan!
Answer: Good! So is mine!. And he is great too.
Now, would you like to buy a jar of Goan pickles
for your Goan dad or not?
Customer: My Mom makes her own for my Dad.

Haven’t we had and learned enough

Some people just don’t get it, do they? After all the riots that have taken place around the world there are still some guys out there (and here) who in the guise and pretext of “freedom of speech’ go on to publish more garbage hurting not one but two religions at the same time. What are they up to? Freedom of speech is fine, but insulting another religious faith should never be included in that category. Just stick to political cartoons if you want to but don’t caricature any religion. What are they trying to prove? These people who publish more of these cartoons are adding fuel to the fire, completely thoughtless and oblivious to the obvious far-reaching repercussions that may be waiting in the wings to explode. Regret will then be too late. Act now. Stop publishing cartoons. Or change your career or something. You already are in the wrong business. Then, divert your mind - for instance, take a woodworking or a music class. There are lot of good things around you can do.

Does gravity care?

Someone said we care so much about gravity. We know gravity is very important to us. But gravity itself does not know the important role it plays in our lives. Does it? If you don’t maintain your balance you’ll fall. You weigh equally on both sides or you tip over. Try to walk on thin air and gravity takes over in an instant. But if you blame gravity when you lose your equilibrium and you go down, honestly, do you think gravity cares? Are you going to demand an apology from gravity or are you going to dare and sue gravity?

What Insurance?

Insurance companies baffle me. First, they come to us, they beg for an appointment, stuff our mail boxes with their flyers, brochures, blah-blah crap, they call us, lecture us on the benefits that don't exist, give us promises that they know they will definitely not keep, ask us for referrals, and finally we give in. Then, one fine day and out of the blue (or overcast day) they put you ‘on watch’, later on a cold winter morning ‘on warning’ and finally ‘on hold’.('Your call is important to us, please remain on the line' message still exists on their answering service, which should have been deleted long ago, like as if they really care!)

First of all, I think calling themselves an INSURANCE COMPANY is a misnomer. They should call themselves ‘ HPB -High Premium Bully',‘NRTE – No Risk Taken Enterprises’ or something like that. Had they been so called then I would not sign up in the first place. They should not call themselves a ‘company’ as they definitely don’t like to keep it. Nor should they include the word ‘insurance’ in the title as we are not insured for the risk – in fact they are ensured with our money - the premium. The lesser the liability we are for them, the more money they make. Could it be more simpler?

So take care. You should treat them as "high risk" before you sign up. Shop around. Get more assurance in your insurance.

Dog-tired

I don’t see why phrases and sayings that somehow involve dogs should be used in a demeaning or derogatory way. I remember we had a dog long ago that my grandma called out to as ‘Tiger’. Why on earth ‘tiger’? At that time I did not have the faintest clue. “Hey, Tiger, come here” she would say. “Hey, Tiger, sit here!” “Tiger!, shake hands”. But come to think of it now, when you call your dog a tiger, that’s an up-grade! Also do you remember the logo of long long ago, 'His Master’s Voice', to top it all? Some were heroes of distinction like 'Lassie'. We have these extremely superb animals used by police forces the world over to give humans a helping hand.

Consider these old phrases still used in conversation nowadays:

“Dog-tired”. Does it mean tired like a dog? Or is it tired looking after dogs? Some dogs live in cushy comfort, in heated or air-conditioned homes. The air-conditioning in my car does not work and it’s like hell driving home to my dog after being dog-tired working the entire day. So I should be ‘man-tired’. Equally, if a dog is as much tired as I am, then it should be man-tired too. If the dog sees me very tired, it should be saying: “Oh, master, you must be very man-tired”.

“Dog’s life”. Some dogs don’t live a life of misery anymore. But I perhaps by comparison, do. We have a vet for the dog you know. As for me I'm reluctant to visit my family clinic because of a wrong diagnosis; just like the false prediction that was made on my last visit there.

“Gone to the dogs”. I don’t understand this one. In fact, we go for dog's help to guard our houses. But come to think of it, on the other hand, if we make an effort to understand this one, and considering what is going on in the world at the present time, we could safely bet that we humans have almost gone there and rightfully according to the phrase!

“Die like a dog”? This too is not a polite phrase considering that the dog is generally supposed to be man’s best friend. Also it can sniff out a missing or a dead person, a thief, etc. and amazingly, recognise HMV (his master’s voice)!

I shot a pheasant

(Sing to the tune of: “I shot the sheriff” by Bob Marley)

I shot a pheasant
But I didn't shoot no quail, oh no! Oh!
I shot nobody
But I didn't shoot no quail, ooh, ooh, oo-ooh.)
Yeah! All over in this Texas town,
They're tryin' to break me down;
They say they'll levy a huge penalty
For the life of a silly quail
But I say:

Oh, no, no. Oh!
I shot a pheasant
But honestly it was in self defence.
Oh, no! (Ooh, ooh, oo-oh) Yeah!
I say: I shot no quail - Oh, Lord! -
And they say it is a capital offence
Thank God it wasn't the president.
Yeah! (Ooh, ooh, oo-oh) Yeah!

What the Dickens!

Shoots his hunting partner instead of a quail. Mistaking a quail for a partridge would be understandable but an error in distinguishing between a bird and man is unfathomable. First a mistake abroad, now at home. Will they take away his gun license, take away his rifle! Was that friendly gunfire on home base? Or was it an attempt in combating bird flu?

In other words

Quote: Passion makes the world go around (Reader’s Digest)

OK, then let’s see. What about the universe?

Quote: Love just makes it a safer place (R’s D)

Safer place? What about Jane & Finch Ave?

Quote: Perfect love is rare indeed (Leo Buscaglia)

No wonder. Divorce cases keep on increasing.

Quote: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. (Unknown)

Yer right! Long ago I loved my job. Then I set it free for a few days. It never came back.

Quote: To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. (David Viscott)

Oh really? What happens if is night? Gotcha!

Quote: “Love is not blind” (Unknown)

Wrong. I disagree. I thought it’s always been blind. Why then, are there so many break-ups?

Quote: "Love is blind" (Unknown)

No wonder. She did not like me at first sight!

Quote: "Absence makes thy heart grow fonder” (Unknown)

Yea? Or is it abstinence that does that? Anyway, but don’t get the two mixed up. Don’t be absent from work either. Your boss will get less fond of you. You might lose you job. Don’t abstain either. Your partner might leave you.

One of the ways of this world

At an office meeting: “Get rid of that man”.

“But why, give him another chance. At least he’s honest.”

“Have him replaced with a crook. He will bring in more business than an honest guy, it's okay if he steals a little bit on the side as long as I am not aware of it” was the boss’ reply.

Simple Simon Rules

His duties at the initial entry level could be made redundant. In one of the recent episodes this ‘cele-BRIT-y’ threw an unsporting tantrum and then walked out from the set. I rejoiced briefly thinking he’d never return. The general audience does not need 3 judges (who, agreeably are themselves subject to stress from the awful singing by some of the contestants) to weed out the preliminary outrageously off-key entertainers. A simple ‘no’ would suffice instead of an insult. The guy on the street or any amateur could do that for nothing and put the judges and the wannabes out of their misery. But on the other hand, some of these “idles” are simply asking for their share of ridicule by going out and making fools of themselves on television.

Just Thoughts

Government: people’s agency for everybody,
A Republic for the individual,
Democracy for the majority,
And while each one is for himself
God is for all.

Criticism

I mind no criticism –
There cannot always be those who admire,
For every person that cools the mind,
There are those that lie in wait to ignite the fire.

Critique is another’s perception,
A different vision;
At its worst it can be attributed to tunnel vision
At its best may provide others praise and inspiration.

Quotable Quotes at a Food & Craft Show

Customer: Awesome, tasty pickles!
Are they included in your recipe book?
Salesperson: Like hell they are.
I sincerely hope you are joking.
Or are you planning to put us out of business?

Q: Amazing, are these products all hand-made?
A: No. They are all home-made by hand.
I also have a machine that is connected to my
wrists. Want to take another guess? Go ahead.
You might as well. What do you mean hand-made?
Do you think I use my feet? And what do you
mean “all hand-made”? Are you suggesting that
some are while others are not? Now, are you
going to buy anythingat all?

Q: Great, are these all home-made?
A: No. They are hand-made at home. All you have
to actually do is lay all the 251 parts on the table
and they get assembled by themselves.

So why then do some people hold hands?

On the humorous side, some reasons or intentions perhaps why people, married couples, or just lovers, hold hands in public places and especially in the shopping malls:

• They could be feeling insecure.
• They just made up from a recent spat.
• They first met at this mall. Today is their first meet’s first anniversary.
• Re-living the moments of the first date.
• It’s better than paying alimony.
• They just can’t keep their hands to themselves.
• He is definitely not her husband, or she is not his wife.
• One of them must be very rich.
• She must be after his money.
• He’s about to include her in his will.
• She has discovered the secret that contain his diamonds.
• They are trying to make us feel jealous.
• They met a while ago and it was love at first sight.
• It’s just a force of habit – and old habits die hard.
• They have discovered that love can be re-kindled after all.
• She’s using her hand today instead of a leash.

Holding Hands

My wife often says to me at the Malls: “Look, that couple there, see how lovingly they are holding hands and walking along”. And then I am prompted to retort: “As if I love you any less if I don’t do what they do. You know I love you nevertheless, don’t you?”

As we walk further down through the mall we see more couples holding hands as they leisurely pace along the aisles. Now, that is precisely the situation that prompts or suggests in my own few personal notions about this trait of holding hands through normal human behaviour. Though holding hands is not new, it is definitely an expression of love as old as time and love itself.

Looking on the humorous side, see if you can come up with a few observations of your own. I’ll let you have mine tomorrow. Until the next time.

Blog Of A Groundhog

              Beating a hasty retreat back to my den yesterday has made me look back on the brighter side of my little adventure.

              Sorry folks I did not mean to be mean! Hey! How’s that for a vocab from down under? I just realized that perhaps, I make them forget the usual humdrum and monotonous life they lead in the human rat-race as I entice them with my tactics and cool strategy while they wait in anticipation for my grand annual appearance, or so they seem to think.

              In fact I was up there 2 weeks ago. Only thing was that none of the folks knew that. No one noticed. Any way the point I am trying to make about the good side is that tiny and insignificant that I am the remaining 364 days of the year I manage to steal at least one day of their attention and bask in glory and fame, successfully diverting their minds away from the usual fare of daily news – reports of strife, war, floods, downpours, snowstorms, blizzards and dirty politics going on all over the world. And gossip and rumours about celebrities.

Diary of Groundhog

DIARY OF A GROUNDHOG

        Yesterday, I must have played havoc with the lives of a million (on a rough count) folks up there at ground level.

          How could they be so dumb and gullible to fall for this one? Actually, I merely went up to have some fun. 

          Shadow? What shadow? Never have I said anything about a shadow to anyone. I have no idea why those guys are simply making this up.

         Down here in my humble abode it is dark as hell 24/7. I was blinded by the cloudy brightness as I boldly ventured out of the earth to have a quick peep to see what's going on in the neighbourhood and check out the surroundings.

         But I swear that I saw no shadow.

I did not see my shadow

'I did not see my shadow'.

According to what tradition holds is that if a ground-hog casts a shadow on February 2 then winter is here to stay for another 6 weeks, but if there's no shadow spring will come early.

Funny, how this groundhog has so to much to do about how long the winter is going to last or cut short. Who put him in charge of predicting the weather for me in the first place? Have I lost faith in earth weather satellites? I feel the poor guy may be bored to death down below and happens to come up for a breath of fresh air. Still funny is how serious the guy is to make a prediction for humans. I think in reality he is probably the chosen one sent up to ground level by his soul mates and report back whether it is safe to surface.

Today I rose before dawn. It was cloudy. Went back to sleep. Got up again, dressed and went out. I did not see my shadow, so I went into the house and slept again. Did not go to work. Lost a day's pay.

Lucky groundhog. He can go back into his hole if he doesn't like it up here on ground zero. He can hibernate. Or chase his furry crooked shadow if he has to when he comes out next for all I care. I have to bloody got to go to work whether I see my shadow or not.