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Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

APPLIED SAMPLING LAW

Sometimes when sales are low at Arts & Crafts Shows, the rains do not help. At one point we were wondering, anxious to know what was going to happen when it started pouring yesterday, but luckily the rain stopped and it was a comfort to see some people walking into our marquee.

So at noon while I was just sitting and pondering what the heck is going to happen to this show after it started raining, with nothing much to do other than look at the cloudy skies, the following occurred to me upon reflection of our condition. It dawned on me what had transpired during the previous three days. As usual, we, vendors, are quite adept in adapting to any situation, and take in stride the snide or odd remarks by the stray or wayward, wandering visitor who had perhaps nothing better to do during the day than have a go at my sanity and try my patience both at the same time!

Here's a sampling for your amusement. I hope you find it funny. Enjoy it.

APPLIED SAMPLING LAW IN A JURIED CRAFT SHOW

1. What does one call a time period of over 15 minutes that is spent in reaching a final decision to purchase one jar of pickles?
~   EXTENDED DELIBERATION !

2. What do you call 2 people trying to arrive in a tied decision to make a final commitment in a vote to purchase a single jar of relish?
~   A TIED VOTE !

3. What does one call a situation when a customer fails to purchase your product after trying about 12 flavours of chutneys and pickles?
~   MISTRIAL !

4. What do you call the questioning of one by others in a group of visitors, trying to discredit his firm belief in his choice of a certain type of pickle that he or she likes?
            

~   CROSS-EXAMINATION !

5. What do you call an instance when a customer tells you that he/she has decided to purchase at the next show.

~   ADJOURNMENT !

6.  What does one call a group of between 6 or 12 persons who fail to reach a verdict to buy ONE jar of relish?

~   HUNG JURY !

© Tony Fernandes - Edna's Pickles

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

SORRY WRONG NUMBER - SOZMONECHI CHUKH

Here below is a dialogue of an elaborated/exaggerated version of a "Portuguese Lesson" that I learned many years ago. For the time being this is for amusement only. Call it PortuKonkanese!



FALT NUMUR
by Tony Fernandes

(Adapted from Portuguese/English course) This work is fiction in its entirety. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. It is a Portuguese-Konkani-English telephone conversation between a sophisticated Goan lady, Dona Joanita, residing in Goa, and a Goan gentleman, Luis, who has just returned to Goa from a holiday in Portugal. Here's an excerpt from the hilarious classic conversation.

Joanita:   Halo! Halo?

Luis:        Hello!, Konn uloita? Who's speaking?

Joanita:   Aum Joanita uloitam. Tum konn?
               Ani tujem naum kitem? Quem fala?

Luis:        Aum Luis angassor. Deu boro diss dhium.
               Luis speaking here.
               Bai, tum atam borem passar zatai ki nam?
               Como esta tua mae e pai?

Joanita:   Muito bem, Luis Bab. Bom dia, senhor.
               Muito obrigado. Aum borim assam. Como esta voce?
               Tuji saude koxi assa? Tum boro passar zatai mu?  

Luis:        De nada Joanita. Moji famil bori assa. Very good.
               Mas aum muito cansad zalolom assam.
               Tum zanoi ki aum kaluch ratik Portugalak
               thaun Goeam ailam munn?

Joanita:    Nao, Senhor Luis. Nokom aslim aum. Tor tuji viagem bore baxen
                gueli ki nam?

Luis:         Oi, viagem bore baxen gueli, mas
                thuim muito calor zata, sometimes very hot,
                sarkem Goenchech baxen, ani aum
                Coimbra ani Fatima passun paulom.
                Portugal very beautiful. Muito bonita.

Joanita:    Maka dista tuvem baileo vostu, munnge
                foreign things, noveo noveo vostu ba zaiteo
                addlai astoleo num?  New modern nice items, no?
                Lovely pleated skirts and all you get there, no?

Luis:         Nao,nao, chodd vostu gheunk nam avem.
                Vell mevonk nam. Mas, thoddeoch apurbaiecho
                nazuk vostu avem mojeam ghorcheank ani
                amigank addloleo and tantuntli ek vost tukach
                special addleli, I brought something special for
                you only. Mas kitem sangoum, ti moladik vost
                amchem aviao Dabolim Aeroport pauchea
                adinch mista futtli. So very nice and cute
                thing I brought especially for you, punn,
                kotta ti vost futton sabar kudke zale, te 
                vostiche ani tossech moje-i. Kalzak dukh bhorli.
                Muito tristeza e picaçao. Sarko dokko boslo.
                Never mind that beautiful piece of art.
                My heart also is now broken.

Joanita:    Kaim nezo. Never mind that. O.K?
                Don't worry. Mozo ugddass tori tuvem kelo poi
                to paulo. Titlench puro. Ugddas mozo tuvem keloi munn
                aum muito feliz. Muito obrigad. 

Luis:         De nada. Joanita. Tor tum hea vorsa
                mudasavank vocho ba naim?

Joanita:    Sim, sim, avenuim Portugaluch vochpak
                kelam fuddlea muineant.

Luis:         Lisboa ekdom sobith, romantico ani
                muito historical, e esta uma cidade muito grande.
                Very very beautiful you know.

Joanita:    Sim, sim, tem aum zanam. Eu sabe mesma.

Luis:         Borem tor, Juanita, anink kitem khobor?
                How's everything? Ani kosso assa tuzo irmão,
                Antoninho Felicio – tannem Liceu pass kelo?

Joanita:    Espera pouco, matso rau. One moment wait.
                Anton Felis konn? Maka ekui bhau nam.
                I have no brother at all. Nao tenho um irmão.

Luis:        Tor tujem naum Juanita Maria
               Esmeralda de Costa de Ribandar nuim?

Joanita:    Nao, nao, desculpa-me, mojem naum tem nhoi. 
                Mojem naum Joanita Mariquita Esperança de
                Menezes e Souza de Curtorim.

Luis:         Muito desculpar para me, Joanita. Very sorry, am?

Joanita:    Porque? Tum nhoi Luis Pedro Joao de Valpoi?

Luis:         Meus Deus! Mojem naum tem nhoi.
                Mojem naum Luis Pedro Caitan Joãozinho de Tiracol.      
                Saiba Bogos! MAKA TELEFONACHER MUITO FALT NUMUR
                MEULA  SO DISTA. Please excuse me. Very sorry, wrong
                number am? Sozmonechi chukh zali.

Tony Fernandes (Adapted from Portuguese/English Language Course)